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Excessive Parental Love: Beneficial or Not

ABSTRACT
There are different types of parental love including tough parental love, excessive parental love and moderate parental love. In this research we are going to more concentrate on the excessive parental love its benefits and limitations. Child caring has become challenging during past years and great expectations are placed for parenthood. Although the public upbringing has become professionalized and the day-care and school services are available in today’s society, parents have the main responsibility for rearing children. Children are one of the biggest blessing of Allah and when someone is gifted with this blessing they love their children unconditionally and sometimes this unconditional love turns to be unbounded. As we all know that excess of everything is bad so this excessive love sometimes can leave some negative impacts on child’s grooming and personality as well as it also creates difficulty for child to fit in the practical world,

INTRODUCTION
Love is a natural emotion which can’t be imposed on everyone but its ones inner feeling. Love is a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection to pleasure. It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment. It can also be a virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection. There are different types of love in our society. Basically love can happen on two basis that are:
1. Biological basis
        This type of love happens with the blood relations and it happens itself such as parental love, siblings love etc.
2. Psychological basis
        This type of love occurs due to one’s personal emotional feelings. This love can happen with reasons or without reasons such as love for nature, friends, patriotism, girl friend or wife etc.
In this research we are going to have a deep insight on the most important type of love that happens on biological basis that is” parental love”. In this selfish world emotions such as love are declining continuously but parental love is that kind of love that is as fresh as it was in the past. Parents love their children unconditionally as soon as they have born no matter how they look and without knowing their upcoming personality.
This research has been conducted to examine the effects of excessive parental love on children; its benefits and limitations on child’s life. Here we also want to discover the importance of parental love and the placer of child who has been given excessive parental love in the society. In this research we also want to know the behavior of a pampered child with the surroundings.  Also we want to analyze the effects of excessive parental love on the personality grooming and confidence building of the child.
In this research we want to analyze the problems faced by the parents to give their children due love as either they give excessive love or become more strict because most of them fail to give their child moderate attention so that their child has sound personality. Also we want to have an insight on the major problem of worse behavior of people in the society due to lack of moderateness of parents with their children.
This research has been conducted within the duration of three weeks during which a questionnaire was designed and was distributed among various departments of Air University Islamabad including Electrical, computer sciences, business administration, mechatronics and Mechanical Department. Around 44 responses were recorded in which 12 of them were from Electrical, 12 from Computer Sciences, 8 from Mechatronics, 6 from Business Administration and 6 from Mechanical Department. Around 66% responses were from male students while 34% of them were from female students.

LITERATURE REVIEW 
Love is like food and in optimum measure. It is very beneficial but it will become harmful when it is given in very excessive amount to someone. As we are studying its effects on children’s personality, so excessive love can be harmful in many ways for children and leaves adverse effects on the upbringing of child. As we can’t live without food and water, likewise love is also a key for survival in life. This love and affection is essential for good breeding of child but excess of this love can come in the way of child’s bright future and such children are likely to be spoiled with harmful consequences. The responsibility for the upbringing, training and education of child rests with the parents. As a child grows into an adult and has to face the society, ups and downs, success, failures, rise, fall, happiness, sorrows, so he has to be brought up with care and proper methodology.  A spoiled child is a child that exhibits behavioral problems from overindulgence by his or her parents. Parenting (or child rearing) is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, financial, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. Parenting refers to the aspects of raising a child aside from the biological relationship. Parents who are consistent and fair with their discipline, who openly communicate and offer explanations to their children, and who do not neglect the needs of their children in some way often find they have fewer problems with their children as they mature. Parental alienation (or Hostile Aggressive Parenting) is a group of behaviors that are damaging to children's mental and emotional well-being, and can interfere with a relationship of a child and either parent.
Excessive parental love and also several reasons lead to the stubbornness in the children as depicted in the picture. So overall moderate treatment with wards produces legends while one way treatment either overindulgence or ignorance creates many loop holes in one’s grooming.
Over parenting is also essential for child’s grooming but sometimes this statements seems to be failed.                                                                                                                                            Kids of all ages agreed that the praised student tried harder. But the older kids also inferred that the praised student had lower ability (Barker and Graham 1987).              We can now say with confidence that the psychosocial environment has a material impact on the way the human brain develops,It puts a very strong wind behind the sail of the idea that early nurturing of children positively affects their development." In an article on the effect of parenting on university students, “appropriate parenting characteristics taken to
An inappropriate degree” (LeMoyne & Buchanan, 2011, p. 405). This overly effortful
parenting approach has been generally hypothesized as being deliberately
chosen by these parents in a loving but misguided attempt to improve their child’s
current and future personal and academic success. Many popular media authors
posit there will be immediate or eventual harm for children who are parented with
an excessively cultivating parenting approach, as they claim it does not allow
children to develop independence or become fully-functioning, community-minded
adults (Levine, 2006; Nelson, 2010).
Berscheid (2006) claims that understanding human behavior has suffered because of forgetting the fact that people live in a net of human relationships for their entire life and that most of the behavior takes place in the context of human relationships. When studying successful behavior, it is important to examine how the environmental factors and the Parental Love – spoils the child’s personality. development is greatly affected by their growing surroundings (juvenile culture, media, as well as the societal values and ideals) as it has been noted that childhood may be the optimal time to promote healthy attitudes, behavior, adjustment, and prevention of problems by, for example, recognizing the children’s strengths and building on those strengths (Brown Kirschman, Johnson, Bender, & Roberts, 2009). ” Aspinwall and Staudinger (2006) point out that many of the human strengths are based on the person’s relationships with others, in other words, they are relational or collective by nature: for example, possibility to understand and cope with various problematic life situations is better if one has a chance to discuss the problem at hand with a close friend, swap opinions, and reflect the issues from the new perspectives.
Alice Miller (1984) says: “Do not hope that a child would turn into something specific, just that he or she would develop. Enjoy the child and his or her developmental phases as he or she is. Enjoy your life together instead of being constantly worried about what your children will become or not in the future.” This is how a healthy self-image is created as well as self-confidence to confront difficulties and problems in life.

METHODOLOGY
This study was designed to know the effects of extra parental love on the personality and grooming of children. In this regard a research was conducted from the students of Air University Islamabad to know and analyise their responses. To analyise this problem a total of 7 closed ended research questions were designed which are given below:
1. Parental endearment is necessary to succeed.
2. Do you believe that over parenting helps in grooming child’s personality?
3. Too much pampered children are often jealous of their siblings.
4. Do you think that excessive parental love increases the habit of ordering and demanding within the Children?
5. Children raised under strictness are more prepared for hardships of life.
6. Children whose parents pay excessive attention are unable to move alone in the society.
7. Kids learn more things when parents are not next to them for their guidance.`
To obtain a response on the the excessive parental love we designed a questionnaire in which the above mentioned closed ended research questions were included. We took around three weeks to complete our research work. In the first week, our group collectively designed some questions regarding the excessive parental love and then chose the best of them for the questionnaire and also designed the complete questionnaire in the same week . In the second week, our group members distributed the research questionnaire among the students of Electrical, Mechatronics, Computer Sciences, Mechanical and Business Administration Departments and collected the responses from them regarding our study. At last, in the third week, we analyzed the collected responses from the students of different departments of Air University Islamabad and after calculating the results in the same week we designed a complete research report for our research work on the excessive parental love: Benefits and Limitations.

RESULTS
We analyzed total 7 research questions in our research work that are given in the methodology part. Complete demographic explanation of the research questions after full data analysis is given below:
In the response of the first question “Parental endearment is necessary to succeed” most people around 45% agreed to the fact that to get success in the life parents love is necessary while only 5% opposed it completely.

Responding to the second question” Over parenting helps in grooming child’s personality” almost 50% people completely denied the given fact while only 18% people agreed that extra parents love helps in child grooming.
Next response collected was about the question” Too much pampered children are often jealous of their siblings” in the result around 54% people agreed to the given fact while there was no people who completely disagreed by the fact
.
In the response of the question” Excessive parental love increases the habit of ordering and demanding within the children” around 59% students agreed with the given fact while only around 5% completely disagreed it.
Also, in the response of the research question” Children raised under strictness are more prepared for hardships of life” most people around 55% of them agreed by the given fact while only 4% of them completely disagreed this fact.
In the response of the closed ended research question “Children whose parents pay excessive are unable to move alone in the society” around 45% students agreed with the given fact while only 14% completely disagreed with this fact.
At last, in the response of the research question” Kids learn more things when parents are not next to them for their guidance” around 36% students strongly agreed by the fact while 23% of them completely disagreed by the given fact.
Analyzing all the collected data and responses we can conclude that love is no doubt necessary for everyone in this world but excess of everything is always harmful so is the same case with this beautiful feeling of love. In this research we analyzed that parents should not give their children excessive love because excessive love leaves a lot of abnormalities in the behavior and personality of the children. By giving excessive love to our children we make them less confident, stubborn and short tempered.

RECOMMENDATIONS
We did a sound study on this topic and after finding the results we suggest that:
·         Love is a sweet cool breeze which everybody wants to be blowing around him/her; this sweet cool breeze should be at a constant and moderate rate.
·         Parents should listen to their children but they should turn deaf ears to the unfair demands of their children.
·         The more effective approach is to appreciate kids doing something right. This will do more to encourage good behavior over the long run than repeated scolding.

·         Early marriages should be avoided and only adults and mature people should be got married.
·         Too much strictness should be avoided with wards so that hating factor should not grow up within them.
·         Children should avoid demanding behavior despite they should realize their responsibilities and act accordingly.
·         Seminars should be conducted so that parents get aware of how to treat their children as mostly parents are unable to do justice with their every ward.

 (This Is an Original Research Conducted by Air University Dept. Of Electrical Engineering 2015)

About Usama Shahzad

Usama Shahzad
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